Okay, let me tell you how I ended up doing this whole “red flag test” thing. It wasn’t like some official experiment, more like something I cooked up after getting burned a few times.
How It Started
So, I was thinking back, you know? After another situation went sideways, I just sat there. What went wrong? And more importantly, what signs did I totally ignore right at the start? It hit me that I kept falling into similar patterns, overlooking things that seemed small then but blew up later.
I didn’t write a formal list or anything fancy. It was more like I started collecting these little warning signs in my head. Things people did or said early on that, in hindsight, screamed trouble. It became my personal, internal checklist. Not to be paranoid, but just to be… well, aware.
Putting It Into Practice
Alright, so I decided next time I met someone new, or even in tricky work situations, I’d consciously pay attention to these things I’d noticed before. Not jump to conclusions, but just observe.
Recently, I had a chance to try this out properly. Met someone new, seemed alright on the surface. Instead of just going with the flow like I used to, I decided to run my little mental check.
First, we grabbed coffee. Simple enough. But I watched. How did they treat the person behind the counter? Were they polite, patient? Or demanding and dismissive? That tells you a lot, I think. Then, during conversation, I deliberately brought up a past experience, nothing too heavy, just a normal life thing. I wanted to see how they reacted. Did they actually listen? Ask questions? Or did their eyes glaze over while they waited for their turn to talk?
What I Noticed This Time
During this little trial run, a few things popped up that pinged my internal alarm bells. Stuff like:
- They talked a lot about their exes. Not just mentioning them, but going on and on about how awful they all were. Felt kinda off.
- They hardly asked me any questions about myself. The conversation felt very one-sided, like I was just an audience.
- There was quite a bit of phone checking while I was mid-sentence. I mean, everyone glances, but this felt pretty constant.
- They made a joke about my interests that felt less like a joke and more like a put-down. Tried to brush it off, but it stuck with me.
The Result?
Look, none of these things on their own were massive deal-breakers, maybe. But together? They painted a picture that just didn’t feel right to me. It felt familiar, like echoes of past situations that didn’t end well.
So, I decided not to move forward with getting to know them better. Didn’t make a big drama out of it, just kind of faded back. And honestly? It felt like progress. Like I’d finally learned to trust my gut and pay attention to those early signals instead of just hoping for the best.
This whole “red flag test” isn’t about judging people harshly or looking for perfection. For me, it’s just about self-preservation. It’s about actively noticing behaviours and patterns that have caused me trouble before. Saves time, saves energy, and hopefully saves some future headaches. It’s just my way of navigating things now, based purely on what I’ve lived through.
