My Little Foray into “Special Teams” Coaching, Brother
So, “what up brother special teams,” huh? Lemme tell ya, I had my own little adventure with that. Not so much the meme, but definitely the “special teams” part, and me trying to be the cool, hip guy trying to make sense of it all. It didn’t exactly go down like in the movies, you know?
It all kicked off with my kid’s flag football team. Jeez, their special teams were something else. And not in a good way. We’re talking punts that went backwards. Kickoffs where everyone just kinda… watched the ball roll. It was the kind of stuff that makes you wanna pull your hair out, or at least look away and pretend you’re checking your phone.
The coach, good guy, had his hands full just teaching them which end zone was which. So, I thought, “Hey, I can chip in here. Special teams, how tough can it be?” Yeah, right. Famous last words for any parent volunteer, I swear.
So, I get the “special teams” crew together. A bunch of little dudes, maybe eight or nine years old, looking at me like I was about to explain rocket science. I decided to start with some energy, try to connect. “Alright squad,” I said, trying to sound upbeat, “What up, brother! Let’s get these special teams looking sharp!”
Crickets. Absolute silence. One kid started tying his shoe, real intently. Another one asked if snack time was soon. My “what up brother” just sort of hung in the air and then fizzled out. Turns out, that phrase doesn’t quite have the same impact when you’re a dad in a slightly-too-small team t-shirt.
Getting Down to the Nitty-Gritty
Alright, so the cool greeting was a total flop. Time for Plan B: just try to teach ’em something, anything. My “practice” was pretty basic, nothing you’d see in the pros:
- Staying in Lanes on Kickoffs: Sounds easy, right? Took ’em forever not to all run in a big clump after the ball. We used cones, shouted a lot about “lanes,” and mostly, they still clumped. But maybe a slightly smaller clump.
- Catching the Punt (and not running backwards): This was a biggie. My main goal was: catch it, and if you can, just don’t drop it. If you run forward, that’s a bonus. We had a few successful catches. A few.
- Blocking? More like “Getting in the Way”: Trying to teach nine-year-olds to block is an adventure. It was mostly them bumping into each other and falling down giggling. My instruction boiled down to “Just try to be annoying to the other team.” Seemed to work, sometimes by accident.
My grand dreams of a perfectly executed special teams play? Nah, that never happened. But, you know what? Towards the end, they weren’t always the reason we were struggling. We even had a punt return that gained, like, five yards once. Felt like a victory, I tell ya.
That “what up brother” line? Yeah, I didn’t try that again. Just stuck to “Okay team, let’s go.” Sometimes, keeping it simple is the way. Less cringey for everyone involved, especially me.
So, that’s my story with “special teams.” It was a bit of a mess, pretty funny in hindsight, and a good reminder that sometimes your bright ideas don’t shine so bright in reality. You try things, you learn things. That’s the way it goes, brother.
