Okay, so I stumbled upon this crazy thing called “coffin races” and I just had to try it. I mean, who wouldn’t want to race a coffin down a street? Seriously!
Getting Started: Finding a Coffin (Easier Said Than Done)
First things first, I needed a coffin. Turns out, you can’t just walk into Walmart and grab one. I checked a few, you know, normal places – funeral homes were a no-go (they looked at me like I had three heads). Finally, I found this old, kinda spooky, but totally awesome antique shop. The owner was this eccentric old dude who didn’t even blink when I told him what I needed it for. He just pointed me to the back, and there it was – a slightly dusty, definitely creepy, but PERFECT coffin.
The Team: Assembling My Fellow Weirdos
Next up, I needed a crew. You can’t race a coffin solo, that’s just sad. I hit up my usual group of friends, the ones who are always up for anything. A couple of them backed out (lame!), but I managed to wrangle together four brave (or maybe just crazy) souls.
Modifications: Making it Race-Worthy
Now, the coffin itself wasn’t exactly built for speed. It was heavy, clunky, and probably hadn’t seen daylight in decades. We spent a whole Saturday in my garage turning it into a racing machine.
- Wheels: We bolted on some heavy-duty wheels from an old shopping cart (don’t ask where I got that).
- Steering: This was tricky. We rigged up a sort of rope-and-pulley system. It was…functional. Let’s just leave it at that.
- Padding: We stuffed the inside with old pillows and blankets. Safety first, right? (Sort of.)
- Decorations: Okay, this was the fun part. We went full-on Halloween – fake cobwebs, plastic skeletons, the works. We even added some battery-powered lights for extra flair.
Race Day: Mayhem and Madness!
The actual race was… well, it was something else. Picture this: a bunch of homemade coffins, piloted by people in ridiculous costumes, barreling down a street. There were crashes, near-misses, and a whole lot of laughter.
We didn’t win. Not even close. Our steering was a disaster, and at one point we almost took out a mailbox. But honestly, it didn’t even matter. The whole experience was so ridiculous and fun, it was totally worth it.
The Aftermath: Bruises and Bragging Rights
We were all pretty sore the next day. My arms felt like they were going to fall off, and I’m pretty sure I pulled a muscle in my back. But we also had the best stories to tell. We were the guys who raced a coffin down a street, and nobody could take that away from us.
Would I do it again? Absolutely. Maybe next year we’ll even work on that steering…
