Okay, so the other day, I was messing around with my phone, looking for something new to play with, and I stumbled upon this app called Citizen. I’d heard about it before, mostly people talking about how it can be a bit, uh, intense with the alerts. But I figured, “Why not? Let’s see what the fuss is all about.”
So, I downloaded the app, pretty standard stuff. Signed up, gave it all the usual permissions – location, notifications, you know the drill. I set my location, and boom, the map pops up, showing my neighborhood. And then…the alerts started coming in.
At first, it was pretty tame. “Vehicle stopped.” “Suspicious person.” Okay, nothing too crazy. I was even kind of feeling like a super-aware citizen, you know, in the know about everything going on around me. I was tapping the alerts, read details, everything fine.
But then, things got a little more…interesting. I got an alert that said, “Man reportedly yelling.” Then 5 mins later, get another alert”Woman with a knife”.Okay, starting to feel a little less “informed” and a little more “anxious.” I mean, that’s a bit more dramatic than a stalled car, right?
The Funny Part
But here’s where it got genuinely funny (in a slightly dark way). I started getting alerts for the most mundane things, but phrased in this super-dramatic, almost clickbaity way. Like, I swear I saw one that said something like, “Unidentified object observed.” I was all prepared to see something and thinking may be I was being tracked, and it turned out to be a balloon,I mean, come on! The notification popped a pic of a balloon! LOL!
Another classic was “Reports of loud noises.” Like, okay, could be anything, right? Fireworks? Construction? Nope. Turns out it was a kid’s birthday party down the street. Citizen made it sound like a full-blown war zone.
- “Unexplained odor detected.” (Someone’s grilling, probably.)
- “Person observed carrying large bag.” (Grocery shopping, I guess?)
- “Suspicious activity reported.” (Turned out to be teenagers playing tag.)
Honestly, after a while, I had to turn off the notifications. It was just too much. It was like living in a constant state of low-level panic, all thanks to these over-the-top alerts.I think this app would be very useful to many people,but not for me. It’s a great idea, and I can see how it could be helpful in certain situations, but the way it phrases things is just hilarious and, honestly, a bit stressful.
So, yeah, that’s my Citizen app experience. I went in expecting to be informed, and I came out feeling like I was living in a comedy-thriller movie. Would I recommend it? Maybe, if you have a high tolerance for the dramatic and a good sense of humor. Otherwise, maybe just stick to the local news. It’s probably less likely to tell you that the neighbor’s cat is a “suspicious creature.”
