I finally decided to check out Los Coyotes Country Club yesterday after hearing mixed things. Got up at 6 AM because tee times disappear faster than donuts at a police station. Booked online through their janky system that made me reset passwords twice. Pro tip: screenshot your confirmation – mine almost vanished into cyberspace.
Pulled into the parking lot around 8:30 AM and immediately noticed two things: the palm trees look like they haven’t had a haircut in years, and the bag drop guy deserves employee of the month. Dude sprinted to my car before I even shut the engine off. Clubhouse smells like old leather and regret, exactly what you’d expect from a place built in the 60s.
On-Course Experience
First hole’s fairway felt like carpet – until I sliced right into rough that swallowed my ball whole. Seriously, bring extra balls unless you enjoy donating to the wilderness. Greens rolled true but slower than my grandma walking uphill. Bunkers? More like concrete pits with sand sprinkles. Nearly twisted my ankle in one on the 7th.
Drink cart came around every 5 holes like clockwork. Beer was frosty but cost more than my lunch. Forgot sunscreen like an idiot and roasted my neck – their pro shop sells tiny tubes for $15. Absolute robbery.
Post-Round Reality
Showered in locker rooms that need serious Reno. Hair dryers from the Reagan era barely blew air. Grabbed a burger at the grill that tasted decent until I saw the $22 charge on the receipt. Bartender muttered “country club pricing” when I choked on my water.
Would I go back? Only if someone else pays. Final ratings:
- Course Conditions: 6/10 (greens good, rough brutal)
- Staff: 9/10 (bag guys & drink cart saved the day)
- Value: 3/10 (bring a loan for snacks/drinks)
- Vibe: Stuck in 1985 but not necessarily bad
Golf’s expensive everywhere sure, but next time I’ll try that muni course down the road instead. At least their bunkers won’t break your wrists.
