So, you want to hear about this “horse cook” business, eh? It’s not exactly about literally cooking a horse, thank goodness. But let me tell ya, the project they slapped that nickname on felt just as wild and unmanageable. Some folks, especially the higher-ups, thought they were whipping up a gourmet meal, something revolutionary. What we got on the ground floor? A complete mess, like trying to get a wild stallion to bake a soufflé.
This whole “horse cook” thing, it wasn’t just one bad recipe. Oh no. It was the entire kitchen setup that was bonkers. They decided to “innovate” our main production line. Sounds good on paper, right? But how they went about it, that’s where the horse part comes in.
You had:
- The Old Guard: These guys wanted to stick to methods that were, let’s be generous, “tried and true” – meaning ancient and slow. They resisted any new idea like it was poison.
- The Shiny Toy Brigade: Then you had the youngsters, fresh out of somewhere, wanting to implement every new bit of tech they’d seen on the internet. No proper testing, no integration plan, just “let’s bolt this on!”
- The “Visionaries” (Management): They’d seen a presentation, got all excited, and set impossible deadlines. Their instructions changed more often than the weather. One week it was all about speed, the next it was about cutting costs, then quality, then some other buzzword.
It was a proper circus. We were all pulling in different directions. Trying to get these parts to work together was like trying to saddle a greased pig while riding a unicycle. You’d spend a week getting one system to talk to another, then a new directive would come down, and you’d have to rip it all out and start over. Productivity? Hah! It went right down the drain. We spent more time in meetings arguing about how to cook than actually cooking anything.
How do I know all this in such painful detail?
Well, I was one of the poor sods stuck in that kitchen, apron on, trying to make sense of the chaos. I was a team lead back then, right in the middle of it. I remember this one stretch, it was just before my eldest’s school play. I was pulling 12-hour days, sometimes more, trying to patch things up, trying to shield my team from the worst of the nonsense from above. I’d come home, brain fried, barely able to string a sentence together. My wife, bless her, was practically a single parent during that time.
The project, of course, eventually imploded. Big surprise. Millions down the toilet. They brought in some slick consultants in expensive suits to write a report, which basically said what we’d been saying all along, but in fancier language. A few heads rolled, mostly mid-level folks like yours truly who actually tried to make the darn thing work. I got “reassigned” to a dead-end department. That’s a nice way of saying they put me out to pasture.
It was a bitter pill to swallow, I tell ya. But you know what? It taught me a heck of a lot. I learned to spot a “horse cook” situation from a mile off. All those conflicting signals, the lack of a clear recipe, too many chefs who don’t talk to each other. Now, when I see that starting to happen, I know it’s time to either speak up loud and clear, or just find a different kitchen. Thankfully, where I am now, they actually plan before they start throwing ingredients into the pot. Made a world of difference.
